50 First Dates Quotes
Her: Linda
Henry: I know, I changed your name for your protection.
Guy: What the hell is your problem man?
Henry: Just keep going, I'll give you $20!
Guy: You got it! How's your balls?
Henry: Killing me, hit it!
Ula's kid: Daddy, what's a nympho?
Kids: Ooohh...
Henry: You're the state idiot of Hawaii.
Alexa: He's not responding!
Henry: I know, Alexa! Sorry I smacked you with that.
You needed the fish-slap to calm down. Do you understand?
Alexa: Yes.
Henry: Are you calm?
Alexa: Yes. Fish-slap calm me.
Alexa: This is why I got into this business..to save sea animals.
Henry: You should go wash yourself off, okay?
Maybe try some syrup in time, that might take the stink away.
*Henry high fives Jocko, the walrus*
Henry: Yeah, high five is right, buddy! I knew you were gonna burp,
but the vomit thing was awesome!
Ha ha ha! That's what she gets for eating my roast beef sandwich!
*Dances away happily*
Henry: Ehh, I guess I'll take a cup of coffee.
Sue: You guess?!
Henry: Yeah. I already ate breakfast. I just need to kill some time before
the coast guards get here to tow my boat
Sue: What did you eat?
Henry: I had a ...Reece's peanut butter cup and some ...
Sue: That not breakfast. I get you spam and eggs.
Nick, I need some spam and eggs.
Nick: Hey, you like the peanut butter cups?
Henry: Uh, yes.
Nick: You want me to put peanut butter cups in your eggs?
Henry: *shakes head* No, that's okay.
Old Man: Are you staring at me or her? 'Cause you're starting to freak me out.
Henry: Settle down and eat your pancakes, huh.
Nick: Hey, Mr. Peanut Butter Cups!
Henry: Hey, Mr. Could-Kill-Me-In-One-Punch!
Ula: Hey, you'd be doing exactly what her father does:
Giving her a wonderful day. Then when it's time for you to go on
your big boat trip, poof, you just leave.
She'll never even know you're gone.
Henry: See I'm not sure about the "poofing" part, because I'm not a very big poofer.
Could you demonstrate a good poof for me.
Ula: Quit busting my coconuts for five seconds.
Henry: Alright. Would you stop poofing on that joint and do some work!
Nick: But don't worry, Lucy probably didn't want to talk to you anyway.
Henry: Umm, what does that mean?
Nick: This aint a disco. She doesn't want guys hitting on her while she has her breakfast.
Henry: She does if it's Henry Roth!
Nick: Who dat?
Henry: Who dat? Me that! I bet you $20 I can get her to have breakfast with me again.
Nick: You're on!
[Henry sticks a tooth pick in Lucy's waffle house]
Henry: Here, you should try this out. Put this here.
Swivelly door. Waffleonians can come in and out now.
Lucy: Oh, are you from a country where it's okay to stick
your fingers all over someone else's food?
Henry: Uh, no, I'm from this country.
Why, were you gonna eat that?
Old Hawaiian Man: [about Henry's drawing on a napkin]
Can I have that? I need something to wipe my ass with.
Henry: Ha ha ha. Shut up!
[Henry is pretending to cry to get Lucy's attention]
Lucy: I wonder what's the matter with him.
Old Hawaiian Man: Looks like a stupid asshole to me.
Alexa: I guess I prefer sausage to taco.
Henry: Okay, this is her. Start beating me up. Make it look good.
Ula: Give me your wallet. Okay, haole, what do you think? You can come to this island, eat our pineapple.
Henry: Help me! Not so hard. Take it easy.
Ula: Try to bang our women. Making my sister clean your hotel room.
Henry: Okay. What does that have to do with this? Relax. Hey! Hey! Help me, please!
Ula: Stupid haole!
Lucy: *smacks him with a metal bat* Yeah, that's right. Take that and that and that and that...
Henry: You got him. Enough, enough!
Lucy: Are you okay?
Henry: Yes, yes.
Lucy: Okay, I'll be right back! *chases after Ula* COME HERE!
Henry: No no no no..I think he's had enough! Oh..I'm sorry!
Ula: Oh, you crazy bitch!
Lucy: YEAH, KEEP RUNNING! [turns to smile at Henry]
Henry: It's gonna be alright, Luce.
Lucy: [to Henry] Don't call me Luce. I barely know you.
Marlin: Sweetie, you're sorta dating him.
[Lucy looks at Henry]
Henry: Sorry I'm not better looking.
Dr. Keats: Tom lost part of his brain in a hunting accident. His memory only lasts ten seconds.
Ten Second Tom: I was in an accident? That's terrible.
Dr. Keats: Don't worry, you're totally gonna get over it in about three seconds.
Ten Second Tom: Get over it? I mean, what happened? Did I get shot in the brain... Hi. I'm Tom.
Doug: You wanna broken head, huh thmart guy?
Marlin: Why? You gonna give it to him?
Doug: No, Daddy, I thought you wath gonna do it.
Update Video: Red Sox win series!... Just kidding.
Update Video: Schwarzenegger becomes governor of California!... Not kidding.
Nick: [on video] Since you lost your memory, I became governor of Hawaii.
[camera zooms out and Nick is holding garbage]
Nah, just kidding. I'm too smart.
Jonathan: You're in trouble! Hahahaha, I'm gonna go tinkle.
Lucy: Nothing beats a first kiss.
Lucy: What are you doing?
Henry: Nothing, I was just getting some lint off for you...
Lucy: You were going for a feelski!
Henry: All right, I'm sorry... But this is like the twenty third time
we've made out already and... they're getting blue!
[Henry's song to Lucy]
The Hukilau was the place
Where I first saw your face
We liked each other right away
But you didn`t remember me the very next day
Forgetful Lucy
Has got a nice caboosey
I used to trick you into pulling your car over so we could chat
But my favorite time was when you beat the shit out of Ula with a bat
Then we drove up to see Dr. Keats
And found out why Doug always has to change his sheets
Forgetful Lucy
Cracked her head like Gary Busey
But I still love her so
And I`ll never let her go
Even if while I`m singing this song
She`s wishing I had Jocko the walrus` schlong
Forgetful Lucy
Her lips are so damn juicy
How about another first kiss?
Henry: Good. How's my temporal lobe looking there, Doc?
Dr. Keats: Don't worry. You're not gonna suffer any short term memory loss. But was your head shaped like an egg before she hit you?
Doug: Hey! Don't make fun of Henry, all right? It'th not hith fault hith head'th thaped like that!
Dr. Keats: Note the intense overreaction. That's the 'roids talking.
Marlin: Doug, once again, off the juice.
Doug: It'th not juithe. It'th a protein thake.
Henry: [towards Jocko] Remember to use a condom..or in your case, a hefty bag!
Henry: The Beach Boys? How nice of that man to give me a CD
that will remind me of all the wonderful times I shared with his daughter. What an asshole!
[starts singing off key to "Wouldn't It Be Nice", then breaks out in tears] WHY would you do this to me? You sick bastard! Oh my god, is he trying to tell me something?