Matilda Quotes (1996)
Harry Wormwood: What a waste of time!
Zinnia Wormwood: And painful!
Harry Wormwood: And expensive... $9.25 for a bar of soap?
Zinnia Wormwood: Well, I had to take a shower, Harry!
Harry Wormwood: $5,000? I'm not paying it! What are they going to do, repossess the kid?
Harry Wormwood: A book? What do you want a book for?
Matilda: To read.
Harry Wormwood: To read? Why would you want to read when you got the television set sitting right in front of you? There's nothing you can get from a book that you can't get from a television faster.
Matilda: Daddy, you're a crook.
Harry Wormwood: What?
Matilda: This is illegal.
Harry Wormwood: [hands the car drill to Mikey, then walks to Matilda] You make money? Do you have a job?
Matilda: No, but don't people need good cars? Can't you sell good cars, Dad?
Harry Wormwood: Listen, you little wiseacre: I'm smart; you're dumb; I'm big, you're little; I'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Agatha Trunchbull: My school is a model of discipline! Use the rod, beat the child, that's my motto.
Harry Wormwood: Terrific motto!
Agatha Trunchbull: You have brats yourself?
Harry Wormwood: Yeah, I got a boy, Mikey, and one mis-*take*, Matilda.
Agatha Trunchbull: They're all mistakes, children! Filthy, nasty things. Glad I never was one.
Harry Wormwood: What was my profit for the day?
Mikey: Could you repeat the last one?
Matilda: [interrupting] $10,265.
Matilda: Check it if you don't believe me.
Harry Wormwood: [he, Zinnia, and Mikey glance at the paper, then at Matilda] You're a little cheat. You saw the paper.
Matilda: From all the way over here?
Harry Wormwood: [suspicious] Are you being smart with me? If you're being smart with me, young lady, you're going to be punished.
Matilda: Punished for being smart?
Harry Wormwood: For being a smart aleck! When a person is bad, that person has to be taught a lesson!
Harry Wormwood: Get up, get up...
Narrator: Harry Wormwood had unintentionally given his daughter the first practical advice she could use. He had meant to say, "When a child is bad." Instead he said, "When a person is bad." And thereby introduced a revolutionary idea: that children could punish their parents. Only when they deserved it, of course.
Matilda: One second, Dad. I have the adoption papers.
Zinnia Wormwood: What? Where did you get those?
Matilda: From a book in the library. I've had them since I was big enough to Xerox.
Agatha Trunchbull: I cannot for the life of me understand why small children take so long to grow up. I think they do it deliberately, just to annoy me.
Zinnia Wormwood: You're the only daughter I ever had, Matilda. And I never understood you, not one little bit... Who's got a pen?
Matilda: This is the cottage from your story!
Matilda: The young woman is you!
Matilda: But then... No.
Jenny: Yes. Aunt Trunchbull.
[the Trunchbull's car, sold to her by Harry Wormwood, has broken down, forcing her to haul it all the way back to her house]
Agatha Trunchbull: [yells] Aaaargh! Crush that little weasel!
Matilda: I'm nothing like my father.
Agatha Trunchbull: You're the spitting image. The apple never rots far from the tree!
Harry Wormwood: What?
Matilda: Yell at me, OK?
Harry Wormwood: SHUT UP AND LEAVE US ALONE!
[Miss Trunchbull has accused Matilda of going into her house]
Jenny: Miss Trunchbull, I was the one who was at your house last night, and I think...
Agatha Trunchbull: [grabbing and clenching Miss Honey's wrist very tightly in her fist] I broke your arm once before; I can do it again, Jenny.
Jenny: [suddenly mad, she briskly releases her arm from Miss Trunchbull's grip with her free hand] I am *not* seven years old anymore, Aunt Trunchbull!
[the class gasps]
Agatha Trunchbull: Shut your mouths!
Zinnia Wormwood: [cutting off Harry's hat with scissors] I still don't see how you glued your hat on, Harry. I mean, I know you say you didn't, but obviously, you did.
Harry Wormwood: I did *not* glue my hat to my head! The hat shrunk! The fibers are fused to my hair!
Agatha Trunchbull: I have never been able to understand why small children are so disgusting. They're the bane of my life. They're like insects: they should be got rid of as early as possible.
Agatha Trunchbull: Psst! My idea of a perfect school is one in which there are no children... at all. Wouldn't you agree, Miss Honey?
Narrator: These books gave Matilda a hopeful and comforting message. You are not alone.
Harry Wormwood: The library? You've never set foot in a library. You're only 4 years old. Matilda: 6 and a half. Harry Wormwood: You're 4! Matilda: 6 and a half.
Harry Wormwood: You were 6 and a half, you'll be in school already. Matilda: I want to be in school. I told you I was supposed to start school in September.
You wouldn't listen.
Agatha Trunchbull: Amanda Thripp!
Amanda Thripp: Yes, Miss Trunchbull?
Agatha Trunchbull: What are those?
Amanda Thripp: What's what, Ms. Trunchbull?
Agatha Trunchbull: Hanging down by your ears.
Amanda Thripp: You mean my pigtails?
Agatha Trunchbull: Are you a pig, Amanda?
Amanda Thripp: *No*, Ms. Trunchbull.
Agatha Trunchbull: Do I allow pigs in my school?
Amanda Thripp: My mommy thinks they're sweet.
Agatha Trunchbull: [bends down] Your mommy... is a TWIT!
Harry Wormwood: Are you in this family?
Harry Wormwood: Hello?
Harry Wormwood: Are you in this family?
[switches the lamp off]
Harry Wormwood: Dinner timne is family time. What is this trash you're reading?
Matilda: It's not trash, Daddy, it's lovely. It's called "Moby Dick", by Herman Melville.
Harry Wormwood: Moby *what*?
[snatching the book from Matilda and tears the pages out of the cover]
Harry Wormwood: This is Filth! Trash...!
Matilda: It's not mine! It's a library book!
Harry Wormwood: I'm fed up with all this reading! You're a Wormwood, you start acting like one! Now sit up and look at the TV.
Miss Honey: Matilda Wormwood is a very sweet girl and very bright.
Agatha Trunchbull: Bright child?
Miss Honey: Yes. She can multiply large sums in her head.
Agatha Trunchbull: So can a calculator!
Agatha Trunchbull: I like a joke as well as the next fat person.
Agatha Trunchbull: In this classroom, I AM GOD!
Lavender: Thanks for not telling.
Matilda: Best friends don't tell. :]
Zinnia Wormwood: You don't let me talk to people! I am in a cage, Harry. I need to talk to some body besides the stupid kids!
Harry Wormwood: Oh Yea? Well a man is entitled to coming home and finding dinner on a table!
Harry Wormwood: Chew your food! You're an animal.