Funny Quotes
I ran in to my ex the other day put it in reverse, and hit him again!
Friends are Gods way of apologizing to us for our families.
Sometimes we know we shouldn't and that's exactly why we do.
No one's a virgin. Life screws us all.
Walter Stratford: My insurance does not cover PMS!
Kat Stratford: Well then, tell them I had a seizure. - 10 Things I Hate About You
Always forgive you enemies. Nothing annoys them more.
Everyone keeps telling me the right guy will come around, but I think mine got hit by a bus.
Unique is an understatement, I'm just messed up.
I have a dick on my face, don't I? - Michael from 10 Things I Hate About You
Hi. I am probably home. Im just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call you back, it's you.
When life hands you lemons, bust out the tequilla and salt!
If payback is a bitch and revenge is sweet, then I'm the sweetest bitch you will ever meet.
I live in my own little world, but it's okay, they all know me there!
We never really grow up. We just learn how to act in public.
Reality has exiled me; I am no longer bound by it's laws.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Ben Murphy: Jesus! You scared me.
Choir Boy: Jesus didn't scare you. I did. - License to Wed
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Constipated People Don't Give A crap.
A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation
ts been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom. - Rodney Dangerfield.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car .
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
If you can't fix it with duck tape you have'nt used enough.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
I'm surrounded by idiots. - Scar from Lion King
Brad: One more and I blow you little sister's best friend out of your trousers! - Try Seventeen