Homer Simpson Quotes
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!
Alright Brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you. But lets just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get.
If at first you don't succeed, give up.
You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.
Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.
If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for TEN MINUTES.
Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.
I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight.
I'm in a place where I don't know where I am!
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.
Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Lord help me, I'm just not that bright.
No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed.
Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.
Being popular is the most important thing in the world!
Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me!
OK, son. Just remember to have fun out there today, and if you lose, I'LL KILL YOU!"
When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces,,...I just know they're about to jab me with something.
Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.
Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to church!
Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours.
Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die.
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.